Kids and social media

Concerns regarding usage of social media apps by primary school students

When it comes to cyber security concerns, a lot of focus is often placed on gaming or internet access that is centred around children being exposed to content they should not see or that is violent, sexualised or not age appropriate. This kind of content however can also be passed on by other student friends whose parents may not have as tight controls on their children’s usage of the internet. 

There are many reasons for why our children want to have access to social media such as the desire to interact and have fun with friends outside of the school environment; to gain acceptance from peers; to share and learn interests; explore identities; to avoid being out of the loop of discussions being held online by peer groups; general peer pressure to do so. 

The government has now enforced laws for social media to comply with. They are now required to ensure users must be 16 or over. This is an opportunity for parents to take control of what access they allow their own children to have.

Even if your child is only conversing with classmates it does not protect them from the dangers of social media. Other students may not behave the same way as your child. Your child will be exposed to other students' posts of themselves, what they are wearing, how they look, where they are going e.g. at another student’s house, party etc and then wondering why they haven't been invited. Other students may give out information that your child does not want them to give, including personal information. On snapchat these comments may be entered where it is only seen for seconds and then disappears without record. Some students may also use the online forum to put down other students over incidents or their actions that have happened even at school. 

It creates a reluctance for students to report negative behaviour both at school and online for fear of being ridiculed or admonished by others online for doing so. It also means that the school may be completely unaware that students are putting up with bad behaviour and therefore unable to do anything about it. Your child may well be experiencing negative or bullying behaviour by others at school but suffers in silence rather than going to a teacher or even a parent and running the risk of online consequences. 

Before you allow your primary school child to access social media please consider the following:

1. What are his/her friendships/social skills like? Because if friendships in real life have any level of drama, trauma, or tension, then those friendships will ignite on social media. Remember, social media can have cruel behaviour. Can your child carry on a meaningful, human-to-human conversation with a non-parent adult? If not, then they are not ready for social media. Help them to master face-to-face long before they’re tested screen-to-screen.

2. How well does he/she obey rules? Every child pushes back at least some of the time, but there is a level of defiance that rises above just normal child disobedience. Is there deception? Regular lying? If yes, then they are not ready for social media.

3. Does he/she have a strong heart? Is your child self-confident? Or, is he/she adrift in their identity, uncertain as to who they are or why they exist? Ask your son or daughter to name three amazing things about themselves. If they can’t do this, then they’re not ready for social media. Think about Instagram for a minute – are your children truly ready for “the whispers of Instagram?” The whisper that says, “skinny and sexy = followers and likes.” The whisper that shows them an endless stream of perfectly polished pictures. Few 13-year-old girls are even ready for that.

5. Is he/she at least 16 years old? Kids who begin using social media before turning 16 are beginning their journey into the social media ecosystem as a lie, and worse yet, one that is often condoned by parents.

6. Have you had direct and frequent conversations about awkward things? For children who are on social media, parents will need to discuss pornography, and sexual predators. Before using social media, your child needs to have heard these words for years and know exactly what they mean and what to do when confronted by situations that involve them. Go through every possible “what if?” scenario and ask yourself, “have we talked about that?” Just like scammers, new ways to get access to young people are being created every day. Does he/she know what to do when they see porn? (because they will) Does he/she know what a sexual predator is, can they recognize the signs, and are they confident enough to know what to do when approached by someone online? (because eventually, it will happen). If not, then your son or daughter is definitely not ready for social media.

The recommendation by leading psychologists and studies is for children to not have a mobile smart phone up till the age of 16. If they need a phone before that you can give them what is known as a dumb mobile phone that is only able to make and receive calls and text but without internet or social media access.